Monday, April 11, 2011

Last week spanned long.  Emotions electric, tension high.

Crossing those bridges of change never comes easy. 

Even the idea of a turn can cause one to trip.

 All weekend I struggled with sanctification and obedience; Christ in me.

 I did the very thing I judged in another.  I winked at my own sin; defensive, justifying.  I heard God telling me one thing and I did another.  And I made excuses out loud.  And I have lacked trust and joy and gratitude.  I have been white-knuckling.

 Today I read Ann Voskamp: topic - joy and gratitude.

So, now finally, house hushed, though messy, I have made it here.  I am  Finding Time to Create

And I'm thankful for women honest enough to bestow not only wisdom but also an admittance to struggles. 

This creative thing I do with words and time, is work and fun.  Food and soul. 

And so when last week ParenTeen class turned into marriage counseling, needed, because I try so hard in my own strength to be chaste and reverent but fall short in demonstrating joy or peace and I'm twisting pretzel shaped in my chair, typical closed-off body language just wanting it all to end, the talking, the honesty, the sharing, and the beautiful, soft, class leader, another honest woman who gives confirmation and wisdom, says, "Nicole.  Blog when you get home.  You think well with your fingers"  then I know.  Know that this means healing for me.  The confessions, the thought process, the time away with God.  This is healing.   

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