Have you ever wanted something and it wasn't a bad thing at all to want but you just weren't sure that it was in God's plan for you?
This is where I'm at right now. Wanting. And I can hear God whispering, "Calm down." He isn't saying 'no'. He's just telling me to relax into Him for now.
And I read all my devotions and this message, sort of recurs in each one.
First, I read: "Today, I will identify what I want and need; then, I'll be willing to let go of it. I will devote my energy to living my life today....I will trust that what I want and need is coming to me. I will let go of my need to control the details."
And I hear God say, "I will give you the desires of your heart, but for now I want you to focus on Me. Am I not enough?"
Because I've been here before with God. This place of release.
And then I read, "Beloved, 'Set your affections on things above' (the higher, spiritual things) 'and not on things below', (the lower, temporal things), and you will see how rich you are."
God Calling (Barnes & Noble Library of Essential Reading): A Devotional Diary
And then the hard hitting Oswald Chambers writes, "Continually restate to yourself what the purpose of your life is. The destined end of man is not happiness, nor health, but holiness. Nowadays we have far too many affinities, we are dissipated with them; right good, noble affinities which will yet have their fulfillment, but in the meantime God has to atrophy them....God is not an eternal blessing-machine for men."
My Utmost for His Highest - Deluxe (DELUXE CHRISTIAN CLASSICS)
Sigh. I don't think the message could be much more clear.
I am realizing how I am an all or nothing kind of girl. I set my sights on something and I run. And God has to again and again pull me back. To the moment. The now. Because I will take a goal or a dream or an opportunity or really anything and my mind is three years ahead of now, planning, envisioning, even worrying. And I sacrifice these slivers of time that are precious and real. Actually happening and God ordained.
So, I hear Him today. Asking where my hope comes from. If He's all I need. If holiness, is my highest purpose, also. If I trust.
And today, I am saying yes. I do.
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