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Saturday, November 13, 2010

Oh, when the days don't go right. When I don't wake up early and prayerfully ask God to guide my day, when my failures expose themselves to me over and over, just in the mundane parenting tasks of a Saturday. How can I raise these children? For they are not mine. They are His and this is a difficult job. It is not lack of love, but lack of discipline on my part. I pray today for God to give me grace and patience and joy in what He has called me to. Again, I see so clearly the need for self to be eradicated. If it were not me, but Him living in me would these screams of theirs grate on me as much, would I feel overwhelmed just by the simple duty of getting them all dressed and ready, would I feel outnumbered or would God multiply my loaves and give me strength for the day? He would. He says we shall mount up on wings like eagles, there will be rest for the weary. Today I feel like it's all too much, like I wasn't cut out but these are lies. God, let me see Your truth. Let me accept Your peace, the peace which surpasses all understanding. You say You will not withhold wisdom and I desperately need it. I need it just to believe that You believe in me.

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