Monday, December 26, 2011

Always found

After Christmas confession:

This has been the worst Christmas for me ever.  It's now over so I hope it's safe to say that.  My favorite part of the season was the  Shabba-Chanukah party we attended Friday night.  Does that tell you anything?

Christmas Eve day, I tried desperately to keep it together while taking care of my last minute wrapping and keeping the kids entertained but clean and ready for service.  I was painting a smile on my face but when I realized that six gifts had gone missing(?) I lost it. Not in front of the kids, but alone, the tears came.

And I started thinking.  Maybe, there were tears that Mary cried on the day before Jesus was born.  Or in the months leading up to.  She would have been hormonal, right?  And stressed even.  She was pregnant with God's son. Not Joseph's.  They were journeying far.  And they arrive at their destination only to find 'No room at the inns.'  Maybe she broke down a little.  So, perhaps, waiting for Jesus, it's okay to cry under the pressure, wanting so badly the relief of his arrival.

And then I thought some more.  I remembered the song 'The Little Drummer Boy'.  And I prayed that me letting the kids make gingerbread cookies and ornaments would be enough for Jesus. He knew my heart wasn't in it this year.  But I did what I could.  I gave what very little I possessed.

And then I found the presents.  And we made it to church.  And that was beautiful.  We ate Chinese food and read a Christmas story before bed and all in all it turned out okay.

Christmas morning, I tried to keep things jolly as well.  We opened presents, and messed the house royally with polly pocket shoes, puzzle pieces, and play-do and at noon when the kids left, I again let the tears come.

But it's okay.  Jesus is here.

We never did find the thumbnail Jesus from our nativity.  And the last few weeks, every store I've been in I've looked for a replacement nativity....with no luck.   I found one finally, on Saturday.  So I bought it.  It's still in its packaging to save it from the three year old's violent hands but I may just open it and take out baby Jesus.... to hold Him, to remind me that He can always be found.

submitting at Playdates with God


  1. Hi, I stopped over from Laura's. So glad I found your post today to help me put things in perspective. Sometimes the worst things we experience end up being the best gifts later on when we have time to think back on them. Wishing you a beautiful day!

  2. Thank you for your words, Stephie.

  3. It seems like I have moments like these every Christmas, Nicole. I'm glad you found the nativity, and the presents, and a little bit of beauty too. I think gingerbread ornaments and cookies are the perfect gift for Jesu.

  4. Beautiful thoughts. I remember some of those times when my children were young. I'm sure Jesus was delighted with the gifts your children crafted.

  5. Yes, it's when I relax and remember Jesus is here that Christmas is found. I try to find it so many other ways, and just get exhausted, but it can be so simple and beautiful. Appreciate your authenticity.

  6. Loosing 6 gifts causes one to LOOSE it for sure!
    Glad you found the lost presents. Lovely post!

  7. It didn't "feel" like Christmas this Christmas Eve and Day - I understand those tears. Maybe celebrating the important things is kind of like unconditional love - sometimes you do it when you don't feel like it - and that's the innate beauty of it all, the sacrifice of self, not letting the inside hurt stop the outside loving. Honest post - I think that women sharing this kind of honest is what helps us find a way! Wishing you blessing in the New Year!

  8. I think it's all right to experience this, there is so much pressure sometime around Christmas when we would only need rest.
    But you managed well and I am sure Marie would have had times when she was feeling a bit overwhelmed before giving birth.
    Jesus is always there and pleased by the little efforts we are doing and the love we put in doing these things. He does not ask for big, he only wished for love.
    Stay well Nicole and enjoy the remaining days of 2011 in peace.