Where is the balance between waiting for that surety that I'm being God-inspired in my writing and the notion that one must write every day, to increase skill?
Uninspired, I'm here today to fulfill the habit. And my devotions are about priority right now. Should this be a priority?
Purpose again? Point? I'm so silly about things like this. About always having to have a clear cut, tidy answer to questions I just make up randomly. The wrapped up answer which would be correct, is simply that I want to glorify God. It's just that I worry too often that I'm getting in the way.
Where is the freedom in this?
Why can't my blog just be?
Why do I have to add worry to every thing in my life? It's like a person who just mandatory adds salt to every meal out of habit. I seem to salt all aspects of my life with worry and self-doubt and hyper self-examination.
I was encouraged to read in The Pursuit of God, Tozer's words, ""...only persons who have made such a committal (true repentance and a full committal to the life of God) will have read this far."
Anyone reading this book, will of course come across these words but when I read them, they seemed highlighted for me. I felt like God planned to have Tozer write that down to remind me, personally, that He sees my commitment level.
I spend all this time worrying about not being perfect about daily devotions, the direction my blog is going, how much time I spend on fruitless endeavors, but God in a simple sentence says to me..."I see your commitment level and you're there."
Yeah, there's always room for improvement, but God acknowledges what I am doing. He knows my heart. He knows that my thoughts are on Him constantly, that I take Him into account on everything, that I'm in love with Him.
I don't have to have everything figured out this minute. I just have to be moving forward.
That's the beginning of freedom.