Whatever it is, I just can't get a handle on it. I work one room while the rest are being systematically destroyed. We did a thorough spring cleaning and I swear, it wasn't two weeks before the results were undetectable.
When we moved into this house a year ago, it seemed plenty big enough. Now, not so much. And I haven't done a ton of shopping. It's weird.
When I close my eyes to picture a home that's a sanctuary, I envision white, fluffy carpet, white couches, vast space and a spot for everything - nothing left out. This is a far cry from the clutter that actually 'decorates' my home. I like the idea that organized clutter comes with creativity, although I'm not sure that my clutter is actually all that organized.
I read something this morning that suggested perhaps outward clutter is a subconscious means of isolating - keeping others away. I can see this, though I'd never thought of it. I can tend to isolate. I like my own space, time alone and definitely am not a woman who enjoys surprise visits. My mom was also this way.
She would want to cancel visits with friends, worrying the house was too messy, even though it really wasn't.
So, while I'm not a hoarder by any means, I do have my fair share of unwanted mess. That I can't quite figure out what to do with. And last week a husband's friend stopped in to drop something off for me. I met him in the driveway. He asked if I wanted our kids to play together. I told him, Sure, send yours in. Go run some errands. Well, that's not what he meant. And I kind of suspected that. So, I reluctantly let him in, warning him that the house was disastrous. He asked me why. In that blunt, male way. So, I stammered out the true excuse that I use my morning to work on homework and blog, that the kids sort of run a bit wild during that time.
But maybe, I need a better system. Maybe, I need to think a little more about keeping a home that's inviting, that can handle a surprise visit. Suggestions?
Solitude is good. Time spent quietly in prayer and worship and introspection is necessary. But if there's the chance, that without knowing it, I've settled into habits that not only allow me to keep people away but also block my mind from really, truly experiencing that emptiness required for God to enter, then I need to at least look at it.
It's not necessarily fun to look at stuff like this. It may, however, be necessary.
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