Every once in a while, I make a move which is thoroughly in opposition to my nature. Overtaken with excitement about something, I clean forget certain important aspects of my personality, only to be reminded after I've made such a move and I begin to hear all the reasons why I did in fact, move to fast.
Fortunately, I'm speaking of making moves based on my love for God. In which case, I then have to deliberately bring to mind this one fact: my own personality disorders - I mean, traits, really won't matter if it's God's will.
A couple of years ago, Brett and I began earnestly and prayerfully contemplating moving to Jamaica to work in an orphanage. As soon as the ball started rolling, so did my stomach. I was nauseous all the time.
We, of course, did not go and it had more to do with my medical issues than anything else but I've since realized that I'm not particularly good at discerning between fear caused by the enemy and a whisper from God to slow down.
Sometimes, I do think we suffer nervousness because it really is not God's will. Or He just wants us to wait. But then there are times when being scared out of your mind is actually a sign that you ARE in God's will. Because I do believe that God calls us to do things that we actually have no capability for or experience in. And He says, I'll lead you through it. The Bible brims with examples of this.
It's not always possible to go with the "peace rule". Because sometimes we feel anything but peaceful even when we are doing exactly what we are supposed to be doing.
So, I don't have a clear cut answer on this one. But I am positive that if the voices playing in your head regarding an issue become more than simple reminders that it is only in Christ that all things are possible and shift instead to accusations, then the accusatory voice must be silenced to find the REAL answer.
I've opened myself up to something now that I think may be God's will. I know with certainty that it is a Godly idea. Whether I'm the one He wants to use, I'm not sure, but if God has other plans then it is not because I am not His idea of a perfect Christian. Nope, pretty sure it's satan who whispers that kind of stuff.
Wanting to puke when deliberating doing something big for God - that could be perfectly natural.
Feeling like I'm not a worthy enough Christian to do something for the Kingdom because I've have "a past" or I still struggle with certain sins (as if I'm the only Christian who is not yet sanctified) or I don't wear Gap. The, "all good Christians were, are and always will be goody-goodies, don't have one single sin left in their life and only wear clothes from Gap", line of thinking has not an ounce of Biblical backing and therefore should probably be tossed out.
Thinking about all the things I'm not is pretty much the same as listening to all the lies about who I am. This was confirmed as I read an untitled blog this morning about how we label ourselves.
God names us. We don't and satan absolutely isn't allowed to. And when God names us, it's bound to be something really beautiful. It certainly will not be an insult. It won't be mean.
So, I'm working on tossing out any sort of labeling, name calling. But I'll be sure to not toss out the baby with the bathwater. I'll have to wait. And maybe this baby of an idea I've had WAS from God and maybe God will use me. Use me as I am and make me better through it.