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Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Choices

Thinking about these paradoxes with the writing life, or the creative life or just life in general. The choices we all make daily as to what will lead us. Will it be fear or courage? Doubt or trust? Will I view myself as I feel, a stumbling, tongue tied, faltering girl or Christ's bride, His glory in me? Do I have the bravery to use my words and blog? Blog, as scary as that is to write my words down, post them for others to see. My inner thoughts. It feels so risky and uncertain. And then once posted to think of who might read what I've written but it's too late and they're there. The choice to obey the creative flow when it cascades through my brain, down to my fingers and I have to write or do I stay still, present with what I'm doing, enjoy just being here. The small wastes of time which aren't, which are what life is really about. Do I fall to the temptation of emulating others I've heard whom I admire or do I stay true to my inner thoughts, ramblings, even through the concern that it's not good enough? This is right now, what my writing is about, the process of trust. Two weeks ago, I wrote in a paper for school that I would not blog and now here I am. Two weeks ago I found virtue only in silence and now my voice is audible but God does that. I was right two weeks ago to listen to Him, to struggle with obscurity and quietness and I trust that now, too, I am in the right place, doing the right thing. Because His leading is daily. It is the thing right in front of me, not tomorrow or the next day. So each day, I make a new choice to follow Him again and trust that He is truly in the lead and that I will not fall.

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