So, the anxiety settled in yesterday evening, swimming like so many fish. And gnawing. Do fish gnaw? My anxiety is usually tied to things so inconsequential. Yesterday's was due to church. Getting the kids ready for church. As if God waits at the door of the building, shaking his head in disgust at the appearance of my children. "I can't believe Annika is wearing those shoes! And Verity, can't you do something better with her hair?" I stress about what they look like, what they'll wear, getting their hair done, finding their mittens, coats, hats. All the chaos and unorganization of my household seems to be the most glaringly obvious right before church. But we make it there. And we worship. And we are reminded of Christ. And the anxiety settles. He is there. He is anywhere I seek Him, so could I just learn to seek Him during those moments of insignificant but intense (imagined) craziness?
And today. He is here now too. Today my house is a mess. It is okay. Toys and wrapping papers are strewn everywhere. The kids are playing. There's no where to go. And in the unhurriedness, the pressure now off, the safety of my home I'm okay. I wish every day was Christmas.