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Monday, December 27, 2010

winter-killed

Madeleine L'Engle uses the phrase, "winter-killed" in Walking on Water. I feel winter killed. Winter creeps in every year, the days stiflyingly short and dark and I don't want to get up in the morning. I share this only because of the shame I'm tempted to feel as a Christian when I'm down. Depressed. Sad. I feel like my Christianity ought to exempt me from it and I feel too that people will doubt my Christianity if I admit to it. I wonder how many other believers struggle with that. If I have Christ then where is the joy, the peace that surpasses all understanding? Why does something as simple as a season come and leave my soul feeling dead? Why when I read my Bible do my spirits not immediately lift? I guess it's because I'm human. And God allows us each our own struggles. And though the rain falls for each of us at different times, it will fall.
But as a believer, I haven't lost my hope and I believe that hope is a "revolutionary patience" which is how Anne Lamott describes it in Bird by Bird. I'm patiently waiting for spring because it always comes...eventually. Weeping may endure for an evening but joy cometh in the morning. Ps.30:5

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