Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Why write when I feel like I have nothing to write? And I could easily curl up in bed, stay in, talk to no one. The winter has brought with her an isolating fog. But, gratefully, there are things I must do, like rise - if not shine, and make my kids their breakfast, continue on through daily routine.
And so in the practice of going through many motions, today I choose again to come here, because I have found so far in my commitment with this journey to blog that He has met me here and I have been more aware of His presence while writing. And it is a discipline too, in learning to write honestly, to listen patiently and trust unceasingly. And I need His presence in this dreariness of winter. When I feel no motivation toward anything and I keep postponing doing what I know I should. It may be that I am in what Saint John of the Cross called "the dark night of the soul." I do not want to be in such a place but what I feel sounds akin to what he describes.
But I believe enough, to hold on to that hope that their may be a blessedness in this as I have found there to be in so many trials. I have learned at least, to persevere. And too, I hear there is worth in this particular strife.
I want to offer resolution but there are days when there is none. But my
hope has not gone, and I know where my help comes from, so I will push on and offer what I find, truthfully.

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