How is it that yesterday, I believed that I was beginning to see clearly and by last night I felt as though I'd been blinded?
I'm afraid that as I wrote yesterday, God took my post and made it into a prayer, for last night more was revealed.
Light has more power than darkness, yes. But the light exposes and it can hurt the eyes. Revelations can be painful. They can cause fear. Sometimes that light can make us want to close our eyes and stay hidden in the darkness.
It's easier sometimes to hide. To retreat and not deal. I didn't want to come here today. I didn't feel like I could, in any honest way. Because I am not here to cast illusions. I'm here to speak the truth as I know it. But at the same time, there is a pain which can't be shared forthwrightly. What to do with that? The heaviness of yesterday's revelation can suffocate me or I can make a choice to leave my eyes open and see what's before me. I can't unload my burdens here, but I can, through the process of writing, seek to find God's will.
I don't know at this moment the answers. But as Susan, a fellow blogger pointed out:
"knowing the God who is in control, and knowing that He will be with us in all things.
"God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride ... The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold." - Psalm 46:1-3, 7 NASB
gives us the ‘right’ color of attitude to see the world – one that is vibrant, deep and rich!""Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." -Psalm16:8
Ann Voskamp, says, "He asks me to accept".
No, I don't understand God's timing. I don't understand why we are allowed at times to endure heartache at the very moment we are the most comfortable. But I have to choose to trust. I have to believe that light has more power than dark.
"In darkness there is no choice. It is light that enables us to see the differences between things; and it is Christ who gives us light." --Mrs. C.T. Whitemell
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I appreciate the honesty that you write with. Even thought, in the blog world, few 'know' me, it is easy to become who we want people to see. Thank you for speaking from the heart.
ReplyDeleteI have a "On your heart, Tuesdays" blog hop if you are interested in linking up some week. Can be serious, fun...anything from your heart.
I appreciate your willingness to be honest with the range of emotions - the light and dark that comes in and out of your life. I think that knowing others struggle along their journeys brings comfort. Thank you for writing encouragement so elequantly while you yourself are in the midst of a painful, unexpected season. Clnging to scripture as you do will strengthen you!
ReplyDeleteShanda, I would love to link up. Susan, I too, find that the writers who touch me the most are those who are honest enough to admit to their struggles.
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