Wednesday night, before the floor caved in beneath me, I went to church.
The pastor spoke the words, "God chooses people you would never choose, that I would never choose. He qualifies those who we deem disqualified."
It didn't mean much to me at the time.
But yesterday, I realized that what I was feeling all day was 'disqualified'. That heaviness was satan whispering lies, "Well, that's it. You're done. Guess it's all been a farce and you won't have anything to say from here on out..."
Yeah, well that's a bunch of you know what. I haven't been disqualified. Because God qualifies me, people don't. And I am called to bear the burdens of others, but not to take on their sin.
How many times do we buy into the lie that God can't use us anymore just because our story took a turn we didn't expect? My voice may have changed but I haven't. My delivery might be different but His deliverance is always available.
In my early twenties I loved a certain singer. Her angst. As she grew her voice chilled out. She calmed and I wasn't sure I liked it. But don't we all have a million different voices? I can scream angry and so long as I'm not sinning, God hears my true expression. I can wax poetic, praise joy, whisper a million gratitudes, weep sorrow and He recognizes every utterance. He never says, "Don't talk to me in that tone," or "Speak up, I can't hear you". Eventually, He might say, "OK, get off your pity pot now and get on with life." but He says it gently and kindly and with understanding like a good father would. Because He is a good father. And whatever voice I use, if it is used as a means to seek Him, He will not silence me.
It is the enemy who wants me to shut up. Who employs fear. I can't come under condemnation and fear every time there's pain.
Take your voice and "be of good courage". Speak honor and blessings and pour out your hearts to the One who created your voice.