Honestly, I have no idea what the new year holds. I will say, I'm quite ready to be done with this year. It has been hard for me to even come here with all that's going on.
But today I'm here. Today is all I can focus on. I have to leave in God's hands the rest. The future. Or I'll go crazy. Really.
What I can do is focus-today- on what God is teaching me. Lately, He has been speaking to me on rising above the circumstances, on matching my intentions with my actions. I am not great at this. My intentions are seemingly established and then I fail to rise above and my actions display something entirely different than I intended.
I heard recently that it is wise to know our intentions first. Perhaps this seems simple, but it spoke to me. If I examine my motives, analyze what I intend, then maybe these intentions will be easier to keep. They will be more ingrained within.
Thou, therefore, my child, be strong in the grace that (is) in Christ Jesus...-2 Timothy 2:1YLT
It is His grace that enables me. So, I lean heavily these days.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Always found
After Christmas confession:
This has been the worst Christmas for me ever. It's now over so I hope it's safe to say that. My favorite part of the season was the Shabba-Chanukah party we attended Friday night. Does that tell you anything?
Christmas Eve day, I tried desperately to keep it together while taking care of my last minute wrapping and keeping the kids entertained but clean and ready for service. I was painting a smile on my face but when I realized that six gifts had gone missing(?) I lost it. Not in front of the kids, but alone, the tears came.
And I started thinking. Maybe, there were tears that Mary cried on the day before Jesus was born. Or in the months leading up to. She would have been hormonal, right? And stressed even. She was pregnant with God's son. Not Joseph's. They were journeying far. And they arrive at their destination only to find 'No room at the inns.' Maybe she broke down a little. So, perhaps, waiting for Jesus, it's okay to cry under the pressure, wanting so badly the relief of his arrival.
And then I thought some more. I remembered the song 'The Little Drummer Boy'. And I prayed that me letting the kids make gingerbread cookies and ornaments would be enough for Jesus. He knew my heart wasn't in it this year. But I did what I could. I gave what very little I possessed.
And then I found the presents. And we made it to church. And that was beautiful. We ate Chinese food and read a Christmas story before bed and all in all it turned out okay.
Christmas morning, I tried to keep things jolly as well. We opened presents, and messed the house royally with polly pocket shoes, puzzle pieces, and play-do and at noon when the kids left, I again let the tears come.
But it's okay. Jesus is here.
We never did find the thumbnail Jesus from our nativity. And the last few weeks, every store I've been in I've looked for a replacement nativity....with no luck. I found one finally, on Saturday. So I bought it. It's still in its packaging to save it from the three year old's violent hands but I may just open it and take out baby Jesus.... to hold Him, to remind me that He can always be found.
submitting at Playdates with God
This has been the worst Christmas for me ever. It's now over so I hope it's safe to say that. My favorite part of the season was the Shabba-Chanukah party we attended Friday night. Does that tell you anything?
Christmas Eve day, I tried desperately to keep it together while taking care of my last minute wrapping and keeping the kids entertained but clean and ready for service. I was painting a smile on my face but when I realized that six gifts had gone missing(?) I lost it. Not in front of the kids, but alone, the tears came.
And I started thinking. Maybe, there were tears that Mary cried on the day before Jesus was born. Or in the months leading up to. She would have been hormonal, right? And stressed even. She was pregnant with God's son. Not Joseph's. They were journeying far. And they arrive at their destination only to find 'No room at the inns.' Maybe she broke down a little. So, perhaps, waiting for Jesus, it's okay to cry under the pressure, wanting so badly the relief of his arrival.
And then I thought some more. I remembered the song 'The Little Drummer Boy'. And I prayed that me letting the kids make gingerbread cookies and ornaments would be enough for Jesus. He knew my heart wasn't in it this year. But I did what I could. I gave what very little I possessed.
And then I found the presents. And we made it to church. And that was beautiful. We ate Chinese food and read a Christmas story before bed and all in all it turned out okay.
Christmas morning, I tried to keep things jolly as well. We opened presents, and messed the house royally with polly pocket shoes, puzzle pieces, and play-do and at noon when the kids left, I again let the tears come.
But it's okay. Jesus is here.
We never did find the thumbnail Jesus from our nativity. And the last few weeks, every store I've been in I've looked for a replacement nativity....with no luck. I found one finally, on Saturday. So I bought it. It's still in its packaging to save it from the three year old's violent hands but I may just open it and take out baby Jesus.... to hold Him, to remind me that He can always be found.
submitting at Playdates with God
Monday, December 19, 2011
Dwell in the source
December has felt a little mooney, a bit blah.
In fact, I can't quite believe we're this close to Christmas.
Circumstances in my life have shifted considerably and I'm already feeling the 'after Christmas blues'. Maybe, because November, in many ways was very special. In other ways it was very rough, but within that difficulty I could really hear God. And I'm not hearing Him as well this month.
Last night, a friend and I were talking and she said that she prays and she does her readings but one thing she just can't get is the meditation part. Meaning, her mind continues to wander whenever she attempts. I almost had to laugh, because she said it as though, she were one of the only ones with this problem. I told her that I was fairly certain most people had this problem. I'm reading Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood right now and it's a treasure of a book. It speaks quite a bit on going into the silence, hushing the outer man. If the Desert Fathers recognized the difficulty in meditating, certainly, we in our busy lives will find it near impossible. But I think that the more we practice, the more we discipline ourselves, we will find that God is waiting to meet with us in the silence.
This section really spoke to me. This is something I am certainly in need of practicing:
"May I say here that the mind cannot remember easily when it is full of criticism; you cannot afford to take umbrage, to have prejudices, nor hold to yourself these violent human emotions which flare up in human contacts. Let them go and dwell in the source of all love, infinite love"
The only way I have managed at all during this time is to pray for those I resent. To try to stay above the human drama and enter instead into the drama of Christ's love for me. The drama of His birth, His death, and enter, too, into my own dying to self for Him.
".....Prepare yourselves to be sons of God, rise to your full height and live most of your life in spirit while in the material world....The discipline of the body and the spirit is an exercise as old as time. The conflict of body and spirit, joy and sorrow, has been an accompanying mystery;"
I am practicing this picture of my inner man rising above. Staying above with the peace that surpasses all understanding. I heard a suggestion recently to breathe in with the thought, 'I am' and out with the thought, 'Peace'.
"I will give you a talisman to use in times of pressure, of drabness, of temptation. Say, 'There is no measured time at this place, no future, neither is there a past. I am in the eternal moment, the limitless, infinite, now.'"
Furthermore, I am in today. Today only. Only God know what tomorrow holds, so here and now, I am able to trust.
submitting at Playdates with God
In fact, I can't quite believe we're this close to Christmas.
Circumstances in my life have shifted considerably and I'm already feeling the 'after Christmas blues'. Maybe, because November, in many ways was very special. In other ways it was very rough, but within that difficulty I could really hear God. And I'm not hearing Him as well this month.
Last night, a friend and I were talking and she said that she prays and she does her readings but one thing she just can't get is the meditation part. Meaning, her mind continues to wander whenever she attempts. I almost had to laugh, because she said it as though, she were one of the only ones with this problem. I told her that I was fairly certain most people had this problem. I'm reading Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood right now and it's a treasure of a book. It speaks quite a bit on going into the silence, hushing the outer man. If the Desert Fathers recognized the difficulty in meditating, certainly, we in our busy lives will find it near impossible. But I think that the more we practice, the more we discipline ourselves, we will find that God is waiting to meet with us in the silence.
This section really spoke to me. This is something I am certainly in need of practicing:
"May I say here that the mind cannot remember easily when it is full of criticism; you cannot afford to take umbrage, to have prejudices, nor hold to yourself these violent human emotions which flare up in human contacts. Let them go and dwell in the source of all love, infinite love"
The only way I have managed at all during this time is to pray for those I resent. To try to stay above the human drama and enter instead into the drama of Christ's love for me. The drama of His birth, His death, and enter, too, into my own dying to self for Him.
".....Prepare yourselves to be sons of God, rise to your full height and live most of your life in spirit while in the material world....The discipline of the body and the spirit is an exercise as old as time. The conflict of body and spirit, joy and sorrow, has been an accompanying mystery;"
I am practicing this picture of my inner man rising above. Staying above with the peace that surpasses all understanding. I heard a suggestion recently to breathe in with the thought, 'I am' and out with the thought, 'Peace'.
"I will give you a talisman to use in times of pressure, of drabness, of temptation. Say, 'There is no measured time at this place, no future, neither is there a past. I am in the eternal moment, the limitless, infinite, now.'"
Furthermore, I am in today. Today only. Only God know what tomorrow holds, so here and now, I am able to trust.
submitting at Playdates with God
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Sure looks fun
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Now and Within
"Each one of us makes his own choice; it is either the way of negation, a materialistic philosophy, or the way of the creative spirit, the Way of Life. 'But one thing is needful,' he said, and 'now is the appointed time.' One has said that 'two of the greatest words in our language are now and within.'"- Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
This Christmas
I'm not especially looking forward to Christmas this year. In fact, the past few holiday seasons have lacked their usual sparkle.
It's the commercialism, the greed, the way that as an adult I'm forced to see how retailers have hijacked that which ought to be reverent, special and holy.
But climbing atop a soap box doesn't help. All I can manage to do in any given day in any given situation is look inward. Where do I fall on the spectrum of greed and buying into commercialism. I'm sorry to say, I have a long way to go. And maybe what I hate is what's inside of me.
I do know that over the years, I have been given a holy ache. I have understood a little the word compassion. I have felt urged to sacrifice because I have so much. And I feel it's not enough. But I know God takes my little. He sees it.
Last year, my husband and I bought chickens through the Compassion program rather than exchange gifts. It was not much. But it was a place to start.
This year, we chose to sponsor a child through Compassion.
And still....
Still, I find myself this month, shopping madly to fill all my American aches. I fill not my Godly ache. I justify my shopping sprees by telling myself that I so often go without. How is this true? All my needs are met. All. And there are so many who lack basic necessities.
An Africa Drought Survival Kit costs $13. Same price as a video game on sale.
Food Baskets for Survival are $40. Twenty dollars more will buy a holiday food basket from Amazon complete with Camembert cheese, crackers, sweet butter and cookies, decorated with poinsettias.
$100 through Compassion buys a cow to give milk and food, things I take for granted, things which too often go to waste. This is half of what a leather jacket would cost.
I write these comparisons down to convict myself. To remind myself of the luxury I live in, which I'm blessed to be able to afford.
But as God has blessed me, might I now bless others.
It's the commercialism, the greed, the way that as an adult I'm forced to see how retailers have hijacked that which ought to be reverent, special and holy.
But climbing atop a soap box doesn't help. All I can manage to do in any given day in any given situation is look inward. Where do I fall on the spectrum of greed and buying into commercialism. I'm sorry to say, I have a long way to go. And maybe what I hate is what's inside of me.
I do know that over the years, I have been given a holy ache. I have understood a little the word compassion. I have felt urged to sacrifice because I have so much. And I feel it's not enough. But I know God takes my little. He sees it.
Last year, my husband and I bought chickens through the Compassion program rather than exchange gifts. It was not much. But it was a place to start.
This year, we chose to sponsor a child through Compassion.
And still....
Still, I find myself this month, shopping madly to fill all my American aches. I fill not my Godly ache. I justify my shopping sprees by telling myself that I so often go without. How is this true? All my needs are met. All. And there are so many who lack basic necessities.
An Africa Drought Survival Kit costs $13. Same price as a video game on sale.
Food Baskets for Survival are $40. Twenty dollars more will buy a holiday food basket from Amazon complete with Camembert cheese, crackers, sweet butter and cookies, decorated with poinsettias.
$100 through Compassion buys a cow to give milk and food, things I take for granted, things which too often go to waste. This is half of what a leather jacket would cost.
I write these comparisons down to convict myself. To remind myself of the luxury I live in, which I'm blessed to be able to afford.
But as God has blessed me, might I now bless others.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Yikes
It makes me chuckle, this picture. How the tree is dwarfed by the presents. The presents. How far we've come in so many ways.
I can assure you that our Christmas this year will not look like this. For many reasons.
I have moved slowly but surely from the commercialism since that time in my life. I don't want to teach my children that this is what Christmas is all about.
Funny how God moves us. Forward.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
When it rains
When it rains.....
"....let the Lord make you strong. Depend on his mighty power.....May God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give peace to the brothers and sisters. May they also give them love and faith." Ephesians 6:10,23
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
He is my refuge and my fortress
hh
I'm all over the place right now, I realize, but bear with me. I'm desperate for change. Desperate for God.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
New and Renewed
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Seeking Stillness
Tired:
I am always tired, it seems. I have to continually remind myself that God will give me rest. And He is faithful in this but I add so much of my own chaos day to day that I often feel unrested.
So, I am learning to turn continually to Him for all my needs. To not only rise above chaos, but to not create it. This is no easy task. In Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood
, there is a line I read this morning which says, "...this still Presence will give you complete majestic dominion over all mankind- that disturbing mankind within yourself.....Wake, then, little, perturbed, anxious, weary, frightened children, and stand released in this holy stillness."
So, I am seeking this stillness. And I can relate completely to the 'disturbing mankind within' myself. Meaning, I need morning after morning, afternoon, night, always to allow my crucify my flesh. It's painful because the flesh does not go willingly.
I am always tired, it seems. I have to continually remind myself that God will give me rest. And He is faithful in this but I add so much of my own chaos day to day that I often feel unrested.
So, I am learning to turn continually to Him for all my needs. To not only rise above chaos, but to not create it. This is no easy task. In Letters of the Scattered Brotherhood
, there is a line I read this morning which says, "...this still Presence will give you complete majestic dominion over all mankind- that disturbing mankind within yourself.....Wake, then, little, perturbed, anxious, weary, frightened children, and stand released in this holy stillness."So, I am seeking this stillness. And I can relate completely to the 'disturbing mankind within' myself. Meaning, I need morning after morning, afternoon, night, always to allow my crucify my flesh. It's painful because the flesh does not go willingly.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Something Waits...
I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape - the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn't show. ~Andrew Wyeth
I don't so much prefer winter. And this winter has not come in well. But there is grace. I am at least not in cold country anymore.
I need to hold on desperately to that last line in Wyeth's quote. Spring will come. And I don't know what waits. But I know that winter is not forever.
So I focus on today.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Who
Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."
I couldn't resist. December 1st, today and in so many ways, I'm glad November is behind me. I've been away from here for a while because I participated in NaNoWriMo. And I 'won'! The experience is one I'm so grateful for and one which will take me who knows how long to process.
Going in, I almost thought of it all as a joke- for me. How would I write a novel, a brand new novel with all else in my daily life? But God, in His amazing way, found fit to bring to me an idea, to give me time off from my school, to come every day to where I wrote, and to teach me of Him, further and deeper. It was all a gift. Whether anything happens ever with my story, I know that it was an avenue He used to strengthen my relationship with Him.
And in the midst of that beautiful gift, my home life went haywire. Thankfully, not due to all my time writing. But circumstances, hidden, God chose to reveal last month and here, there are not words to describe the feelings behind the happenings. And I don't understand the timing anymore than I understand the circumstance,but I know that as I wrote about a girl seeking Jesus, Jesus sought me.
And so I don't know what the future holds. But I know Who holds my future.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
The Story Isn't Over
Grateful for finding these words today at In Him We Live and Move and Have Our Being (and I'm feeling especially today as though without Him, I'd be unable to move as the living is so very hard right now):
"...we need not pretend that all is well in our lives in order to experience thankfulness. This coming Thursday, try to find at least one thing for which you can be grateful despite the tough times in which you may find yourself this year. It’s amazing how much happiness this practice can generate, on Thanksgiving, and throughout the year....Finally, knowing that the story is never over will help us to have a happy Thanksgiving....Could we acknowledge the good despite the pain of not knowing what could be coming?...Ultimately, I realized that we were holding back because the story wasn’t over. Then I realized that in life, our stories are never over, so why wait?"
You have been raised to life with Christ. Now set your heart on what is in heaven, where Christ rules at God's right side. [a]
"...we need not pretend that all is well in our lives in order to experience thankfulness. This coming Thursday, try to find at least one thing for which you can be grateful despite the tough times in which you may find yourself this year. It’s amazing how much happiness this practice can generate, on Thanksgiving, and throughout the year....Finally, knowing that the story is never over will help us to have a happy Thanksgiving....Could we acknowledge the good despite the pain of not knowing what could be coming?...Ultimately, I realized that we were holding back because the story wasn’t over. Then I realized that in life, our stories are never over, so why wait?"
You have been raised to life with Christ. Now set your heart on what is in heaven, where Christ rules at God's right side. [a]
2Think about what is up there, not about what is here on earth.
3You died, which means that your life is hidden with Christ, who sits beside God.
4Christ gives meaning to your [b] life, and when he appears, you will also appear with him in glory.....
You must quit being angry, hateful, and evil. You must no longer say insulting or cruel things about others.
9And stop lying to each other. You have given up your old way of life with its habits.
10Each of you is now a new person. You are becoming more and more like your Creator, and you will understand him better.
11It doesn't matter if you are a Greek or a Jew, or if you are circumcised or not. You may even be a barbarian or a Scythian,[d] and you may be a slave or a free person. Yet Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us.
12God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. So be gentle, kind, humble, meek, and patient.
13Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you.
14Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.
15Each one of you is part of the body of Christ, and you were chosen to live together in peace. So let the peace that comes from Christ control your thoughts. And be grateful.
16Let the message about Christ completely fill your lives, while you use all your wisdom to teach and instruct each other. With thankful hearts, sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs to God.
17Whatever you say or do should be done in the name of the Lord Jesus, as you give thanks to God the Father because of him.
1 Colossians 3
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Always something beautiful
Never say there is nothing beautiful in the world anymore. There is always something to make you wonder in the shape of a tree, the trembling of a leaf.
Albert Schweitzer
Tina's PicStory
Albert Schweitzer
Tina's PicStory
Monday, November 21, 2011
By mercy and truth iniquity is purged, and by the fear of the LORD men depart from evil. -Proverbs 16:6
Praying this today and lately.
Hard times have hit.
I am still writing. One week left!
Pray for me? That I might see and speak truth. That I might live and give mercy. For wisdom and kindness and peace....
This is the last leaf
in the year's book.
Now I come to grief
as the earth's breast goes hard and mean
and hay is packed for the manger. - Anne Sexton
Oh Angel of the blizzard and blackout, Madam white face,
take me back to that red mouth, that July 21st place. - Anne Sexton
Praying this today and lately.
Hard times have hit.
I am still writing. One week left!
Pray for me? That I might see and speak truth. That I might live and give mercy. For wisdom and kindness and peace....
This is the last leaf
in the year's book.
Now I come to grief
as the earth's breast goes hard and mean
and hay is packed for the manger. - Anne Sexton
Oh Angel of the blizzard and blackout, Madam white face,
take me back to that red mouth, that July 21st place. - Anne Sexton
Friday, November 18, 2011
Weekend reflections
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Snow and Trees
― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass
Monday, November 14, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Trusting the Process
It is the middle of week two of NaNoWriMo. I have experienced a bit of that block that 'they' say can come in week two. But I have been pushing through. And there are elements in my story that are painful. But I am also grateful to be exploring them. Because I had asked for healing. And I feel that this is part of that. And when I'm in flow, coming back to the real world is a bit hard. And I'm left with so much of my characters. But this is how it should be. I have to trust the process. I have to trust that this is God ordained. And I am grateful that I am not going it alone. And I am grateful that He meets me where I am.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Deeper
Update:
This last week has been rather magical. I've been happily wallowing in writing time As I go deeper into my story, I go deeper with God. And I am loving my searching main character. I have just a hint of what she finds and I'm excited for her. I just feel God's hand over me as I write and if nothing else, this is for me and Him.
"What is a novel if not a conviction of our fellow-men's existence strong enough to take upon itself a form of imagined life clearer than reality and whose accumulated verisimilitude of selected episodes puts to shame the pride of documentary history?" - Joseph Conrad
submitting at Playdates
This last week has been rather magical. I've been happily wallowing in writing time As I go deeper into my story, I go deeper with God. And I am loving my searching main character. I have just a hint of what she finds and I'm excited for her. I just feel God's hand over me as I write and if nothing else, this is for me and Him.
"What is a novel if not a conviction of our fellow-men's existence strong enough to take upon itself a form of imagined life clearer than reality and whose accumulated verisimilitude of selected episodes puts to shame the pride of documentary history?" - Joseph Conrad
submitting at Playdates
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
It was eight am. She'd been up for half an hour but hadn't moved from bed. She didn't feel good today. And she was trying to remember. She needed to remember. More so than usual. That dream had been important. For she hadn't spoken. She had listened only. This much she could recall. And what he spoke, was meant to be carried over.
For just a few more lines, click here.
For just a few more lines, click here.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Day 2 update and a confession
It feels a bit magical so far, Novel Writing Month.
It seems that God is for it and I am being beckoned in by Him.
My school approved this month off. Brett's parents are in town this week and have had the kids. And I'm even here for a brief moment because I went over the word count goal yesterday! 5 pages of a brand new story has unfolded and I'm excited to see what comes!
One confession here: Although I'm enjoying all the writing time I'm also missing the children. They've been spending the night away - all of them- and being only a writer and not a mom would be sad and lonely, I've discovered.
It seems that God is for it and I am being beckoned in by Him.
My school approved this month off. Brett's parents are in town this week and have had the kids. And I'm even here for a brief moment because I went over the word count goal yesterday! 5 pages of a brand new story has unfolded and I'm excited to see what comes!
One confession here: Although I'm enjoying all the writing time I'm also missing the children. They've been spending the night away - all of them- and being only a writer and not a mom would be sad and lonely, I've discovered.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Where I'll be for the next thirty days
I will be here, if anywhere this month, or however long I last.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Novel in November
The gold beckons. The story of the silver begs for shine.
It seems that this may be for now, that the fantasy wants fed while reality rests.
I called my school and it looks as if I just may be able to take November off. And I have a wisp of an idea. And, too, when really quiet I can hear God's breathing, the calling to come away. Sometimes these whispers take me deeper into an imagination, which is still somehow real.
That is how it was with the first idea. Which fueled me for so long but now has been shelved, maybe permanently.
And so I'm listening for the next invite to escape.
Tina's Pic Stories Playdates
Sunday, October 30, 2011
November Looming
I'm wondering what November's going to look like for me.
I still feel conflicted on the subject of blogging every day. In a certain sense I feel a little free when I let a day go by without coming here. But then I grow inexplicably worried that if I don't write here every day something will happen. What, I don't know.
I did have a clarifying realization recently: blogging is something I've really been able to stick with, without growing bored. Yes, I've experienced days of burn out or frustration and even writer's block but not boredom.
This is a big deal because my interest does wane easily. Case in point, the paper mache flowers I was so gung ho on making Thursday night, which have been laying unfinished and untouched ever since. I'll get back around to it someday. Maybe. The point is, that often I start out excited about a project or an undertaking and I enter in full force only to lose my desire half-way through. Not so with blogging. So I wonder, does this mean I should be doing it? Or is 'should' not even an appropriate word? And then I come across things like this:
and it resonates.
But too, I need to look at Ann Voskamp's Blogger's Prayer, often.
And now November is here. Which means what? It means that with Thanksgiving, two of the children have birthdays, I start a new class tomorrow....and I'm signed up for NaNoWriMo.
K.D. Storm describes it as, "NaNoWriMo is where somewhat sane people come together in November to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. There is no spell check, editing, or any other form of polishing. It is writing at its purest form. The whole idea is to sit in the chair and write until your heart is content (or you succumb to madness). "
A whole new exciting problem project!
I was pretty positive that I'd at least give it a shot this year. Until I saw the math. 50,000 words in one month equals close to 1700 words per day. Per day. With school papers and blogging? And kids and life? And housework and homeschooling and husband care? Hmmm.
But, I gotta give it a go. There's a good chance that by November 2nd, I'll have come to my senses. Then I'll just try again next year. I'm pretty sure there's no penalty for repeated attempts.
And so, it will be interesting to see what November brings.
I still feel conflicted on the subject of blogging every day. In a certain sense I feel a little free when I let a day go by without coming here. But then I grow inexplicably worried that if I don't write here every day something will happen. What, I don't know.
I did have a clarifying realization recently: blogging is something I've really been able to stick with, without growing bored. Yes, I've experienced days of burn out or frustration and even writer's block but not boredom.
This is a big deal because my interest does wane easily. Case in point, the paper mache flowers I was so gung ho on making Thursday night, which have been laying unfinished and untouched ever since. I'll get back around to it someday. Maybe. The point is, that often I start out excited about a project or an undertaking and I enter in full force only to lose my desire half-way through. Not so with blogging. So I wonder, does this mean I should be doing it? Or is 'should' not even an appropriate word? And then I come across things like this:
But too, I need to look at Ann Voskamp's Blogger's Prayer, often.
And now November is here. Which means what? It means that with Thanksgiving, two of the children have birthdays, I start a new class tomorrow....and I'm signed up for NaNoWriMo.
K.D. Storm describes it as, "NaNoWriMo is where somewhat sane people come together in November to write a 50,000-word novel in 30 days. There is no spell check, editing, or any other form of polishing. It is writing at its purest form. The whole idea is to sit in the chair and write until your heart is content (or you succumb to madness). "
A whole new exciting
I was pretty positive that I'd at least give it a shot this year. Until I saw the math. 50,000 words in one month equals close to 1700 words per day. Per day. With school papers and blogging? And kids and life? And housework and homeschooling and husband care? Hmmm.
But, I gotta give it a go. There's a good chance that by November 2nd, I'll have come to my senses. Then I'll just try again next year. I'm pretty sure there's no penalty for repeated attempts.
And so, it will be interesting to see what November brings.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Relevant
It's evolved to the point that I shudder when I hear the word, 'relevant'. Which may not be fair.
Sadly, it's a word which has been somewhat abused in certain church circles. I'm not even sure what the term means in relation to Christianity. But I know what I've come to associate it with: the idea that the Bible is not relevant anymore on its own so God must rely on people of today to spice it up or water it down or (most of all) make it 'cool'.
That bugs me. The Bible is as relevant today as it ever was. I don't feel the need for youth pastors in today's fashions and Christian rock bands to convince me of this. Furthermore, I don't believe the next generation needs to be convinced of its relevance by means of leaders who conform to the world's standards.
I think we've been sold a lie and I think our intelligence has been underestimated.
I could probably go on for more than five minutes but it's Five Minute Friday so it's stop time.
What are your thoughts on this word?
Disclaimer: I understand that the term is used in many positive cases and in alliance with many positive causes and groups(like the Relevant conference which I so hope to go to someday); it's just that my immediate reaction always comes to how I've most often heard it.
Sadly, it's a word which has been somewhat abused in certain church circles. I'm not even sure what the term means in relation to Christianity. But I know what I've come to associate it with: the idea that the Bible is not relevant anymore on its own so God must rely on people of today to spice it up or water it down or (most of all) make it 'cool'.
That bugs me. The Bible is as relevant today as it ever was. I don't feel the need for youth pastors in today's fashions and Christian rock bands to convince me of this. Furthermore, I don't believe the next generation needs to be convinced of its relevance by means of leaders who conform to the world's standards.
I think we've been sold a lie and I think our intelligence has been underestimated.
I could probably go on for more than five minutes but it's Five Minute Friday so it's stop time.
What are your thoughts on this word?
Disclaimer: I understand that the term is used in many positive cases and in alliance with many positive causes and groups(like the Relevant conference which I so hope to go to someday); it's just that my immediate reaction always comes to how I've most often heard it.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Hand-picked
One thing I am exceedingly grateful for in my life, one thing I come back to again and again, is friendship. The special friendships God has allowed me to cultivate.
And how He uses these friends to speak to my heart, to impart joy and wisdom. To aid me in revelations.
This morning I was praying hard, under heaviness and a dear friend called and through our conversation my spirits were lifted and my walk refreshed.
I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.
I love knowing that God has hand-picked for me women who compliment me.
I am blessed beyond words in this area.
And how He uses these friends to speak to my heart, to impart joy and wisdom. To aid me in revelations.
This morning I was praying hard, under heaviness and a dear friend called and through our conversation my spirits were lifted and my walk refreshed.
I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.
I love knowing that God has hand-picked for me women who compliment me.
I am blessed beyond words in this area.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Writing Helps
I may not be able to stay away. Yes, the obsessiveness may just be too much.
I think I have a fear that if I don't write, I'll forget how.
I'm sure I won't really forget but there is something to be said about staying in flow. Staying in practice. In times past, when I've abandoned writing, it has been hard to pop back in. But on the flip side there's the issue of just not always having something to say....or at least something appropriate to say. Because I always have a million thoughts racing around, it's just that they're not all edifying.
And then, too, I feel an urge to write for a purpose. A reason. To let God speak through me. For whoever He chooses.
Because there's so much sadness, so much misunderstanding, and so many people who need to hear, in this world. And writing helps me to hear.
submission for just write
I think I have a fear that if I don't write, I'll forget how.
I'm sure I won't really forget but there is something to be said about staying in flow. Staying in practice. In times past, when I've abandoned writing, it has been hard to pop back in. But on the flip side there's the issue of just not always having something to say....or at least something appropriate to say. Because I always have a million thoughts racing around, it's just that they're not all edifying.
And then, too, I feel an urge to write for a purpose. A reason. To let God speak through me. For whoever He chooses.
Because there's so much sadness, so much misunderstanding, and so many people who need to hear, in this world. And writing helps me to hear.
submission for just write
Monday, October 24, 2011
The way that I should go
This weekend I met with a bit of unexpected freedom. I was too busy to blog. And I was okay with that.
I know that sounds silly but because of my somewhat obsessive nature, I had placed this regulation upon myself months ago that I would blog every day. I make up imaginary rules for myself, sewing patterns of pointless, restrictive routine. Taking the fun and the good out of it all.
I haven't figured out what all prompts me into these sort of actions but I'm guessing it has to do with some need for control. And perfection. And that perfection drive was dealt with these last couple days as well. Trying to calculate my final grade for the class I'm in, I realized that I'd forgotten to turn in two homework assignments two weeks ago. I had completed the assignments but never submitted them. Fifteen points in the class gone. My 4.0 wiped out. And, yeah, that's a bummer. But I think there's a lesson there. Striving for perfection is just plain stupid. I'm not perfect. And why do I need to be? What is a 4.0 going to matter in Heaven? Or even in life for that matter? Why do I add worries and requirements and rules to my life that God doesn't?
At times (many times) by brain seems to feed off chaotic, flitting and compulsive thoughts.
My soul and my body do not.
And so I'm choosing to take heed what God taught me this weekend. To slow down, to take off all that hinders, to let the Spirit rather than the flesh lead.
And this means my blogging may be spotty. So what. Nothing depends on it. I will come here but only as the Spirit leads.
"Let me know the way that I should go,
because I long for you...Teach me to do your will, because you are my God.
May your good Spirit lead me on level ground.." Psalm 143: 8,10
"...let us throw off everything that hinders..." Hebrew 12:1
playdates with God, the creative exchange, capturing beauty my perspective
"You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry. Don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way." - Walter Hagen
I haven't figured out what all prompts me into these sort of actions but I'm guessing it has to do with some need for control. And perfection. And that perfection drive was dealt with these last couple days as well. Trying to calculate my final grade for the class I'm in, I realized that I'd forgotten to turn in two homework assignments two weeks ago. I had completed the assignments but never submitted them. Fifteen points in the class gone. My 4.0 wiped out. And, yeah, that's a bummer. But I think there's a lesson there. Striving for perfection is just plain stupid. I'm not perfect. And why do I need to be? What is a 4.0 going to matter in Heaven? Or even in life for that matter? Why do I add worries and requirements and rules to my life that God doesn't?
At times (many times) by brain seems to feed off chaotic, flitting and compulsive thoughts.
My soul and my body do not.
And so I'm choosing to take heed what God taught me this weekend. To slow down, to take off all that hinders, to let the Spirit rather than the flesh lead.
And this means my blogging may be spotty. So what. Nothing depends on it. I will come here but only as the Spirit leads.
"Let me know the way that I should go,
because I long for you...Teach me to do your will, because you are my God.
May your good Spirit lead me on level ground.." Psalm 143: 8,10
"...let us throw off everything that hinders..." Hebrew 12:1
playdates with God, the creative exchange, capturing beauty my perspective
Friday, October 21, 2011
Do Not Worry
Submission for projectalicia
Beyond this day, I can't see.So, I may as well live in the moment.
Always, I rush frantic, feel frenzied, but why? How fruitless is that? I feel as though I make up stress at times.
So I'm practicing looking at the moments and not beyond.
Do I have to do this right now? Yes, so do it. No? Then don't worry about it for now.
When I look beyond, even to the very next thing, I can't enjoy what I'm doing now.
He who knows the number of hairs on my head knows my to-do list. If I hand it over He is well able to aid me in prioritizing and accomplishing.
Do I have to do this right now? Yes, so do it. No? Then don't worry about it for now.
When I look beyond, even to the very next thing, I can't enjoy what I'm doing now.
He who knows the number of hairs on my head knows my to-do list. If I hand it over He is well able to aid me in prioritizing and accomplishing.
submission for weekend flowers and macrofriday and photoart Friday
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these." -Matthew 6: 25-30
spiritual sundays best posts of the week 5 minutes just for me
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these." -Matthew 6: 25-30
spiritual sundays best posts of the week 5 minutes just for me
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Of the quarrel with ourselves
“We make out of the quarrel with others, rhetoric, but of the quarrel with ourselves, poetry” - W. B. Yeats
This is the direction I feel my words headed. I could be wrong. But as I face more and more those night shadows, those questions which can only be directed to God, I find myself craving the safety of the symbolic. Rather than stark outright statements, I'm exploring slowly and roundabout.
This is ok. For now.
submitting at skywatch Friday
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Stories
I hold inside myself stories untold.
The happenings thus far, simply characters and setting but the plot continues to unfold.
I have just figured this out.
What I have previously believed to be a story are merely chapters in the great novel of my life. And though I will never right the next Great American Novel, my life will be my own version of this, as will yours.
Because I only have one life to live. The thought following that is, "so you better get it right". But I won't. There will be things I miss, things I add which should have been left out. The important thing is that I remember that I'm actually not the author. He is. I'll let him weave the words, create the climaxes and enter the hero because what I could put down would be not only unworthy of market but tragic.
So, I'll live each day on the page I'm at. I can't peek ahead and I can't erase what's come. I just trust. Trust that He is the best storyteller who's ever been and He's writing mine.
The happenings thus far, simply characters and setting but the plot continues to unfold.
I have just figured this out.
What I have previously believed to be a story are merely chapters in the great novel of my life. And though I will never right the next Great American Novel, my life will be my own version of this, as will yours.
Because I only have one life to live. The thought following that is, "so you better get it right". But I won't. There will be things I miss, things I add which should have been left out. The important thing is that I remember that I'm actually not the author. He is. I'll let him weave the words, create the climaxes and enter the hero because what I could put down would be not only unworthy of market but tragic.
So, I'll live each day on the page I'm at. I can't peek ahead and I can't erase what's come. I just trust. Trust that He is the best storyteller who's ever been and He's writing mine.
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