Monday, January 10, 2011

Freewill Offering

I've been contemplating of late, being done with this blog.

In spite of the fact that writing this way has been so enlightening and thus such a growth experience for my walk with God.

When I started back up, I felt a strong urge to post every day.

But now I've been wondering about completion. And purpose. And the point.

Because to be honest, there would be a relief that would follow if I were to stop. I am not a person who thrives on this sort of sharing.

But what of completion? Who is this work for? God, self, others? All?

I do know, that the more I keep my eyes open, the more able I am to glimpse His hand. The more I hearken, the more I really hear Him. He is present. He does talk. He does answer.

This whole world, whether we are aware or not, weaves itself together to make sense. We are just blind.

I finished The Genesse Diary last night. Nouwen spent seven months in a Trappist monastery and then left. He spoke about how he thought he'd be completely different when he returned home but found instead that he was much the same.

So the journey never ever ends until the Lord completes it. And that will not happen in our lifetime on this earth.

But I am seeing now, how each day, we get a little closer to some sort of end. And maybe we are to live our days in preparation of our deaths.

In class, we are talking about Genesis and Creation and now, naturalism. And yesterday in church, the pastor talked about our life purpose.

And I've been thinking of my friend who's Jewish and how she writes God, "G-d" and how I sort of love that because it shows a reverence which we all need. And I remember reading to True about how Jewish people don't believe in saying God's name, so I looked that back up and then today, Ann Voskamp talked too about it! About the name of YHWH. So, I see. I see, that as I seek, I find answers, or at least more questions which propel me still forward toward answers.

And I read 2 Corinthians 8: 1-15 today, which I did not fully understand but it talks about completion. The KJV uses the word performance instead. This did not lead me any closer to an answer on my own completion in any given task but something did stick out to me. Verse 12 says, "For if there is first a willing mind..." and verse 11 says, "there was a readiness to desire it, so there also may be a completion out of what you have." Now replace completion with performance. Shall I then continue to perform, based on what has been given me, which I've found only by the beginnings of a willing mind and the readiness of desire?

Because my desire quickly turned to the sober realization that each word I write, each avenue I choose to explore is important. I cannot seek to do this, for God, others or self, if I don't take it seriously. Because I don't want to waste words. God never did. And the more I write, the less I want to speak. And it is real work. And there is a risk in sharing even that. Sharing that I come here, into my bedroom, to write, and I bend over computer and put real effort into this, at the same time, trying to let the effort be all His.

And so I offer myself to God. If He gifted me, should I not gift Him, with my very, very little?

Exodus 35 tells of the calling of those who were to work on God's Tabernacle. And it says, "everyone whose heart was stirred, and everyone whose spirit was willing" came to work. To create beauty for the Lord. And the "children of Israel brought a freewill offering" Freewill.

And then Moses spoke, confirming that the Lord had gifted these 'artisans' with wisdom and skill which both come from the same Hebrew root word.

Read it and see how many times in this chapter, the words artistic and skill and wisdom and willing and work are used, intertwined.

As the women whose hearts were stirred with wisdom spun yarn of goat's hair, God in His infinite wisdom spins our stories and our gifting and our skills together to make a tapestry of which we are to then turn back to Him to decorate His holy place. Which is this earth. His creation.

I possess not much skill, or artistry or wisdom. but I possess a willing heart. So, from there I will continue to perform.

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