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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Purging

I did not realize until this morning that the movie I saw yesterday (The King's Speech) was analogous to what I wrote here yesterday. Excellent movie about the man who became King of England during Hitler's rise in Germany, and his personal complications with accepting the considerable role he was to play in history, due in part, to a severe speech impediment. The man who helps him overcome his difficulty, points out that when Bertie (the future King) is angry, he does not stammer. He is able to yell out a string of swear words without strain.



Um, how true is this of me?

I am so very often tongue tied and it takes me a rather long time with others to grow comfortable in conversing. Even with those dear to me, compliments and words of encouragement do not flow easily from my lips. My heart wishes to say so many more words than my lips find able. This is why I write. My fingers are adept when my mouth proves awkward and even posting on a blog as if I were in a confessional booth is considerably easier than shaping speech audibly.

I am not a gusher. I, more, trickle.



Until huffy, and then suddenly a stream of fluency. Sharp comebacks, causticity and filth flies, my flesh asserting that I've been muted too long.



What a detestable condition. "What comes out of a person is what defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person's heart, that evil thoughts come..." Mark 7:20-21



Ouch.



Looking up 'evil' in my concordance, I find the word, 'worthless'.



My words can have worth or can be worth- less. Of no worth. And my heart dictates.



In my prayer this morning, I told God, "I don't want to post more on my malignant mouth. Isn't it enough that I confessed yesterday to only You know who all?"

But my devotions led me to Mark 7. God clearly wanted to finish the conversation. After He speaks of evil thoughts he goes on to speak of sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly.

Well. That couldn't have been made more clear.

So, I confess. Surely, I'm not the only one who suffers humanness. And in confession, I'm able to thank God for release. For showing me my heart, as is, but saying still, He will take it. He will make it clean. He will help me clean house so that I may have a clean and perfect heart before Him. (Psalm 101:2) I only have to walk out before him, exposed and unafraid of my nakedness, and ask for help.

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