Saturday, January 22, 2011

Not the Filler

It is a silent house today. Three of four children asleep. Perfect time for pondering but my mind is blank. Because there are instances, I'm beginning to realize, when the answers don't arrive easily.

And I have uncertainties brewing subtly in my head that I don't want to form because I can't fathom what the appropriate responses are to be.

How to get across, how to make plain to young souls the weight their decisions carry seems a wide impossibility. I wonder is it? I wonder if someone could have succeeded in holding me back from my own volition when I was young?

It is fresh fear that enters when constructing other's choices. How to employ experience without doubting self?

We attain truth, comprehend it on our own as we mature and I cannot fast forward anothers growth.

I am waiting. Usually as I write, the answers materialize. But I'm depleted.

I pick up One Thousand Gifts, which just came in the mail. I've been waiting for it. Chapter one starts with a quote by Simone Weil, "Every sin is an attempt to fly from emptiness."

Oh, yes! I have not forgotten the emptiness during that fragile footing and so now with this recollection, I release. I am not the filler. There is One who can satiate and I ask Him now to do so.

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