I can suffocate under these mind vibrating questions. And often I feel like that is the exact what's happening.
I trend toward obsessiveness, wear it quite well. My mind can picks up a thought and then cling.
The latest mania (and this is a recurring one) is with knowing something. Figuring something out. Identifying. Picking apart, studying, making a specimen out of that which is not a species.
What I'm essentially doing is clamoring for God's job. Committing that first ever sin. And because I am not God, I'm becoming frustrated and fatigued.
I'm forgetting to trust. No, rather, I'm telling God, "I don't trust You. I'll figure it out".
Except I can't. And so I feel nutty. And off-kilter and cluttered. My mind won't shut up.
The bottom line is, some things are not for me to know.
Maybe I wouldn't be able to handle the knowledge. Maybe I'd abuse it if I had it. I don't know what I'd do but I have to believe there's a reason that God is allowing me to be in the dark on this one.