Every week, Sunday shows up and I retreat.
I don't want to go to church. There, I said it. And today is Sunday, one o'clock and we did not go.
I am planning on going tonight.
What is wrong with me?
I want the kids to be in church. I want them to grow up understanding corporate worship, the body of Christ.
Can we do that without going to church?
What is wrong with me?
Sunday comes and I want to rest. And church stresses me out. Being a homeschool mom, I'm not the best at getting every one up and ready at a certain time. Especially, getting them ready in their "Sunday best".
This picture is from last Christmas taken before service. If you look closely you can see the orange Gatorade stain on Annika's mouth. And what is that wet stuff on True's pant leg? This is the stuff that trips me up. The reaching for perfection to get to the place where I worship. Where God doesn't require perfection. Where God accepts me as is.
But Sundays have become the day of most attack.
This morning, I attempted. And then we had to leave right then, and we were just about five minutes from being ready, so I said, 'we'll go tonight'.
What is the pressure I feel?
I think there's more going on that meets the eye and I don't quite have it figured out. I need to pray. I need to ask God to reveal what the stronghold is.
And I need to go tonight.
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First your little ones are lovely! But I imagine they keep you busy all week.
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel I have experienced it and still experience it now. I have learned to let go and I continue to pray at home, read the Bible. But I can't push myself to Church - I've asked God for direction and I am waiting for his answer. Remain patient, you will soon know more.
Take care and don't blame yourself. Everything happens for a reason.
I'm glad to find I'm not the only one who struggles with this, Marie.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand - and have the same struggles. I read your follow up post, and I'm glad to hear you made it to church and that it was a good experience.
ReplyDeleteI wasn't as successful - unfortunately, I've found that when I plan to go to night service the day just runs away and we don't make it. Going to church as a family is much harder than I thought it would be...thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you for allowing me to be a part of this N. You said and summed up the whole experience.."Sunday best"..Church isn't for the imperfect anymore. It's a social gathering of the Sneetches with one or two stars (to quote Dr.Suess). When Christ gathered it wasn't organized...there are times for Census and teaching but I believe the spiritual worship should be organic. Children will remember seeing their mom in the word or on her knees more than, did she dress them for church. John Wesley, a great theologian, remembers his mom kneeling in the kitchen with the apron over her head, the children knew they were not allowed to interrupt her. Our daily imperfect lives make the impression on our children...not others painting a picture of what worship should look like. "Sunday Best" isnt anywhere in the scripture. We need to remember the words, "Just as I am, without one plea"...thats how Jesus wants us, Gatorade stains and all....its organized religion that says we need to clean up first.;)
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