Yet this means that, in ways, I find myself living in a bubble of misunderstanding for the lost around me.
Even in my worst and darkest times, I have always known my need for a savior, have always felt comfort and thankfulness in this, I have known somewhere deep inside that I was protected and loved and that His arms waited, that I was created and that His plans for me were good. Yes, this is grace.
But then how do I understand, witness, comfort and even love those who have not shared this experience? How can I even fathom the pain of one who did not receive this gift as a child, one, who as an adult, upon hearing the name of God, thinks first the thought that if there really is a God, then He wasn't there for him? One who sees abstract confusion rather than the beauty of the art in the Master's stroke?
I want to speak when faced with this but quickly learn that I don't have the words. How can I?
Some, I've learned, have a wall up in protection against a God they believe has harmed them. I want to kick their wall down and show them the loving God on the other side. But the wall is high and thick. To chip it would be hard enough, how could I tear it down?
I've always looked at walls as walls of sin between us and God. But what if that wall is one of sin as well as one of wrong protection? How can those who have erected barriers so tall, care that their inequity has grieved God when they believe He has grieved them?
My words are not always my tools. My words fall short if I can't express by them and reflect back that I get it. I will admit that there are times, I am very guilty of not shutting up. Of not listening. Of, rather than letting the Holy Spirit lead me, using instead faulty psychological methods. But can people be led to Christ through psychoanalysis and reason?
I have no words, only tools. I've been given faith, where I'm lacking in understanding. I've been given prayer.
So, sometimes, all I can do is use that faith within my private words of prayer and trust that the supernatural is needed in the natural.
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