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Monday, August 15, 2011

Not About Me



God, these are the days that just seem to slip by.  Without purpose or substance.  But I know You are here.  I need reminding.

These are the days so full, but still I feel disconnected.  Empty.

 I need to give it all over once again.

And sometimes, I hear You but I don't want to listen.  Like the kids when I speak and they think that by ignoring me they won't have to do what I tell them.

Sharing is hard for me.  There are the days I can barely feel the ground beneath me and I want to isolate.  I don't want to talk.  I don't want attention.  I want to be plain and unseen.

  I hear what You are saying but you are stretching me and it feels scary.  I don't always feel like I can be obedient; though, I have seen over and over Your ability to transform and teach me.

"Central is the desire to step away from the meager emotions of a technocentric society in which superficiality leads to boredom and the breaking of contact with the mysterious powers of reality" Nouwen, "Intimacy"

When I'm in this space, disconnected, I want to shun everyone.  I want to be needless.

I hear You say these words are gifts. They are Yours and not mine.  They are free.  But at times to speak them feels so costly and risky.  But I am learning.  It's not about me. It's all about You, Jesus.

4 comments:

  1. Oh your words walked right into my heart. I isolate better than anything. Each post I write I realize how costly my words can be. Exposing my thoughts especially to those who know me in "real life" is difficult. "I surrender" will be echoing in my head all day.

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  2. I've been thinking about this today: my frailty and the need to have concrete reminders of His presence. It seems almost ridiculous that I forget this Person who is the Lover of my Soul, but that is the way it is in this broken world. Thank you for sharing this vulnerability. So beautiful.

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  3. I've been thinking about being soul-stretched lately, too. It's always good when it's over, but it's hard while it lasts.

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