God, these are the days that just seem to slip by. Without purpose or substance. But I know You are here. I need reminding.
These are the days so full, but still I feel disconnected. Empty.
I need to give it all over once again.
And sometimes, I hear You but I don't want to listen. Like the kids when I speak and they think that by ignoring me they won't have to do what I tell them.
Sharing is hard for me. There are the days I can barely feel the ground beneath me and I want to isolate. I don't want to talk. I don't want attention. I want to be plain and unseen.
I hear what You are saying but you are stretching me and it feels scary. I don't always feel like I can be obedient; though, I have seen over and over Your ability to transform and teach me.
"Central is the desire to step away from the meager emotions of a technocentric society in which superficiality leads to boredom and the breaking of contact with the mysterious powers of reality" Nouwen, "Intimacy"
When I'm in this space, disconnected, I want to shun everyone. I want to be needless.
I hear You say these words are gifts. They are Yours and not mine. They are free. But at times to speak them feels so costly and risky. But I am learning. It's not about me. It's all about You, Jesus.