Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Way I See Myself Now

Confession:  I never thought I was smart.

I really didn't.  I suppose I never worried about the opposite.  I just simply accepted the fact that I was 'average'.  I believed this because my grades in school were average.

My parents never confirmed this and it wasn't something I really voiced concern over but I will venture that maybe the problem could have been that my parents didn't do anything to negate it.

I have wonderful parents who excelled in many ways but encouraging me in academics was not one of them.

So, after high school, I went to a state college while living at home and then dropped out. Not because I was failing.  Because I was busy drinking and messing my life up otherwise.  And then I got married.  And had babies.

And then I went back to school.  A class here and there at various community colleges.  And I got great grades and great comments from my teachers and then finally, I realized that I had been believing a lie for all those years.  I had been accepting something for myself which wasn't true.  I had become okay with something, taken it as fact, and lo and behold it was false.

How much of what we believe about ourselves may not be true?

Had someone sat me down when I was younger and really encouraged me, maybe things would be different.

I don't at all regret the way my life has turned out.  I know that God has had a plan for it.  I wouldn't have done it any other way.

But I make sure to tell my kids all the time that they're smart.  They are and they need to know it.  And if something doesn't seem to come naturally for them, I help them to get the hang of it.  I struggled the most with math when I was young.  As an adult, I got an A in statistics.  I think I just needed someone to explain it to me better when I was a child or take more time with me or encourage me not to give up.  I still have that personality which is tempted to give up if something doesn't come easy.  But I have an easier time fighting that temptation now.  I have an inner drive because I believe in myself.

I want my kids to believe in themselves.

Think on Thursday


  1. You are an incredibly smart person for teaching your kids to value a good education,to use their God-given brains and to make the most of every opportunity that will be given to them. Yes indeed, you are very wise; please don't think otherwise!

    Blessings and best wishes,

  2. "I want my kids to believe in themselves". The prayer and desires for every parent!

  3. why I write that blog and this just brought tears to my eyes! Thank you so much for hopping along and joining me on my pondering with a purpose!

    You are truly a wonderful mother!

    Have a great day and weekend!

  4. Fabulous ponderings! I'm so glad Brenda's prompt encouraged you to share such a valuable life lesson.

    This line says it all ... I had become okay with something, taken it as fact, and lo and behold it was false.

    Hang on to that drive!

  5. I think we may be the same person :) I did the same things with the college, the dropping out, the going back, the discovering that I was smarter than I realized.
    I have a daughter who is 3 months away from finishing a Cosmetology program at the local college. She wants to quit, because she has realized she isn't really "into it". I cannot give her my blessing and she finds that frustrating (she is the child who wants to please me).
    I keep telling her--you finish for the sake of finishing. Quitting can become a habit. It was for me for years! I got to where I couldn't even finish a non-fiction book. Now, I force myself!!
    Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone.
    Oh, and thank you for linking up with the blog hop :)

  6. Jackie,
    Funny that you should say that. I've felt the same way many times reading your blog! And yes, I have struggled with quitting. I used to go through jobs like...But funny, how growing up and having kids changes all that.